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Ultimately he put her through college, they bought a house, and married several of years ago, when she was For all my fears at the start, he has proven to be an honorable man who has encouraged her to become the awesome woman that she now is.

And then there is the girl I was myself. I started college a few months before my 17th birthday. I was, at that point, dating a 24 year old graduate student.

He was intelligent and interesting, and unlike my age mates was interesting in things other than sports and sex. We discussed books.

He introduced me to authors who were new to me. He took me to the symphony, to plays, to folk music concerts and poetry open mic nights.

He is still my friend. I dated a couple of other men considerably older than I after that, a medical student and later a history professor 14 years my senior.

None of those experiences were bad. When I ultimately married myself, it was to a man my own age who was a graduate school classmate of mine. All of which is a very long way of saying that one has to consider the individuals in question when faced with something that looks, at first glance, like a mismatch in age.

A 17 year old girl can be more mature than a 25 year old man, or can be looking for security that she does not have, or for the excitement of the adult world.

I will talk to the young woman, and be available, and watch. My current girlfriend is a little more than 9 years younger than I am and most of the time that is not an issue at all.

I get what is being said here, but it does noy always appy especially in the township. Even the sollutions do not apply.

I hear you. Oh, and thanks for reading and taking the time to reply. All opinions and views are welcome. Thanks again. About teens who date older men or women: genuine mutual love and respect must be the prime prerequisite; if that is absent, the relationship is unhealthy and not okay.

Please help. I am the mother of a 14 year old daughter. She met him on FB. All she did was cry all night long and she blames me for ruining her life.

Although, I KNOW that all teenage girls get their hearts broken and she will eventually get over this, her pain is real and it is tearing me apart.

I know I am the cause of her pain but I also know I am doing what is right! He was talented, charismatic, and my parents adored him.

I was a naive virgin at the time. I kept the secret of what we did behind closed doors from everyone. I was so ashamed.

Still my parents persisted to encourage me to be with him because of who he was. When baseball season ended, he went back home and —it turns out—married another girl who was pregnant.

He came back the next season, married, and I was determined to stay away. But my mom initiated contact, listened to his sob story about how he loved me, and pushed me to start seeing him again.

I suppose I was willing. We spent the summer making up and breaking up as I tried my best to resist him. He left again and I never heard from him again.

I still have a lot of hurt 30 years later. I feel like the victim of child abuse and I feel they allowed it to happen.

I married a man who is cold and refuses to have sex with me or even touch me whatsoever. Hi, sorry it took me so long to respond.

Thank you for your comment. I feel like you really were abused. At 16, no matter how adult you may have looked or thought you were, you still needed guidance in certain areas and your parents let you down.

It sounds like your mother in some ways wanted to live vicariously through you so she pushed you to date this guy.

Maybe she even thought that if you ended up with him it would be for your own good as you would have wealth and so would she. In the end you will be happier and will learn to love and be loved the way you deserve to be.

But age of consent varies by state and country. I assume the age of consent in your state is 18, whereas it is 16 in mine.

Also there are plenty of people, expecially on the lower end of society, prison people included, who never really grew up but grew older.

Prison is a good example, because if you went to jail at 19 and come out at 27, you are not going to be where most 27 year olds are, you are going to be in a 19 year old mind frame.

I understand your point and from a legal standpoint there would be nothing wrong if the legal age of consent is 16 or whatever. However, there is usually something wrong when grown adults are looking at high school age kids as possible romantic partners.

You gave a great example; sometimes tragedies, drugs, alcohol, abuse, etc. They will find it easier to date and get along with much younger people and are more likely to be ostracized by their same age peers.

As long as it is legally acceptable, then I guess it is okay, however we have to be careful because this is how man people intentionally or unintentionally break the law.

We live in a country that values youth, particularly in women. Historically speaking, a woman over the age of was viewed as old or at the very least less than ideal in terms of beauty and attractiveness.

I mean there are some exception in hollywood too of women who age and still look great, like halle berry, but it is not the norm and involves alot of surgery.

For the , or so years of human existence, 16 would be a fairly normal age to get married and have kids. Not until the last few decades have all this concern about pedophiles really come to the forefront and there has been almost a crusade to enforce strict age limits on sexual relations.

I think there is something mentally wrong with people who want to have sex with children like 13 or 12 or under. In my province the age of consent was recently raised from 14 to That being said once I became an adult 18 I had no real desire nor attraction to underaged girls.

For instance, when I was 16, I looked So you are a mental health counselor. So are people like that man you described, are they viewed as simply people with a mental sickness or illness that needs treatment.

I also wanted to ask you, because it is implied alot in society and it seems to be a position where you at least seem sympathetic to. I understand why women object here jealousy but am I missing a good rational objection from a man?

Hi, you may never understand all the reasons this happened. A lot of men will sleep with any woman of age he is sexually attracted to, even if she is barely legal.

You did the best thing you could do for you which is to end the relationship. Thank you for responding. I have waffled back and forth about telling her warning , but this far I have decided to leave it be.

From what I understand, the narcissist is always ten steps ahead and probably already has his story lined up, in case I were to tell her.

I am also afraid he might seek revenge on me…he obviously has no boundaries with anything else. I think the counselor has a point.

The answer usually boils down to they like someone else MORE. And its usually because they think the other person is more attractive than you.

Studies show that men view the ideal age of beauty of a woman to be around depending on the study. Historically a woman who was 30 would be considered older and past child bearing years.

Women also tend to be most fertile at that range so it is likely just biology at work her. Men are probably subconsciously attracted to younger women due to them having more signs of fertility and therefore being better potential mates.

She just happened to be the first one I discovered. I disagree with you saying that it has to do with looks. I think it has to do with his ego, and him being a narcissist.

I believe this 19 yr old will be easier to control. Not onto his game. She recently posted a screen shot of a text conversation between the two of them and he made a unique comment to her that I used to say to HIM.

Truth is they seem to be deeply in love and are both incredible people in their individual way. It makes me feel ill and sad. And we all have teenage children.

Plus, I can see the power imbalance which is subtle. Everyone in the group have found their way to deal with it.

Problem is his become apart of the group as due to business and friendship. Obviously, that is how others have dealt with it and it seems to be working for them.

It seems the men just get on with it. I think it is toxic clearly because of the age difference. At the moment my mantra is she has a mother.

I agree with you that the age difference is huge and I hate to see that the relationship formed before she was even To me, personally, that means that there is not only something wrong with him, but also with her.

Honestly this is not your problem. The same goes with the girl. Maybe she has some daddy issues, or she is looking for an older man to take care of her, or she is just one of those people who is willing to be with anyone who gives her the time of day.

Again, that is her problem not yours. Thanks for responding. You were right about me investing to much energy.

I tortured myself trying to understand it all. However, you will be pleased to know that I have let it go.

Mostly, I have found my role in this group and I can be true and authentic without the conflict going on inside me.

I feel relieved and lighter. Thank you. It truly is disgusting, and although she obviously has issues, I think the blame goes primarily on the man in this scenario.

Going to her parents house and fucking her? I almost threw up when I found out…seriously made me physically ill to discover this. Sorry but you are the one with the problem.

Just listen to yourself. If the young person in question was someone very unattractive to you would you have the same reaction?

I seriously doubt it. You are jealous because it was someone you would have liked to be with. Same goes for interracial dating. People only care when it is a good looking girl or guy and they get jealous…unless they are just really racist bigots.

No help for them. Have gone through your message, but I think sometimes you might be wrong on your view, I dated this 14yrs girl, I was She was very intelligent and smart.

Not because I could not date girl my age. I had several girl friend my age then, I was financially ok I live a lavishly life style.

When I meet I became focus and help her through her high school. Could any boy her age do that for her. Some times in life things that work for one will not work for another, do not judge best another mistakes.

Even adults are abuse in relationships. Do you know how I treated girls my age then compare to how I cherish her because of her innocent.

If its in my power I will buy the whole world for her. No woman my age swept me off feet the way she did. Let a 14 year old be a child, have her teenage years, be with her teenage friends and go through what teenagers go through without an adult boyfriends influence.

You say you helped her through high school, that was not your job. I am almost 10 years older than my girlfriend, but when we met she was 27 years old, a grown woman, not a teenager.

Good luck. I have a daughter who lived with her mother we are divorced. She was 17 and dated a 45 year old man.

When she turned 18, she left home, moved across the county, and they married. Not something that I, or our families agree with… but she is my daughter, I love her and I support her as I can with her decision.

Admittedly, it has placed a strain on our relationship. Fast forward — I am 45, and have found a 18 year old young lady.

She has yet to finish high school, and she voices her own struggles. She expresses her dissatisfaction with boys her age as they are terribly immature, and has had more at least two relationships with men roughly older than her, 23 and Both that did not end well and she became somewhat self destructive.

She has expressed her romantic interest in me… and honestly, I am flattered. I know there are things my daughter has missed out on, and will continue to miss out on as she moves through life, and I would never want to do this to a young woman.

My relationship with this year-old… I have agreed to be her friend. She can talk to me and let me know what is on her mind.

I have told her that I will give her my opinion. I encourage her to keep up her grades, and also as she prepares for college.

She shares some drama from school, along with her frustrations and fears about the future. She will learn lessons that are important, things that she may never experience with an older man.

Some of those experiences may be painful. As much as we want to protect our children, sometimes they have to learn through these kind of experiences so they can grow and mature.

I admit that the relationship I have with this young woman is far more candid than the relationship I had with my own daughter at that age.

I know I am not a counselor, but I do hope to provide her with an advantage of learning from my own experience and helping her in a way that I could not help my own daughter.

Let her experience life, but provide some pointers along the way. Bravo for you sir. It is very easy for most men to be flattered and give in to the temptation of being with a woman that is far younger than he is, especially when that woman is looking for the security and guidance of an older man.

It is far harder to restrain from engaging in a relationship that will most likely be detrimental to the development of that young person.

She will be a better person for your guidance without the confusion of being romantically and sexually involved. You are right, there are many experiences she has to go through and many times she will have to learn that she is capable, smart enough and strong enough to save her self and accomplish her goals.

You can help her with that without hindering her growth. I had a similar experience with a 18 year old high school senior who was involved with an older, married man.

Once that relationship dissolved she wanted to have a romantic relationship with myself. At that time she was 19 and a freshman in college.

I too was flattered, but knew in my heart that the best thing I could be for her was a role model and help guide her.

Any romantic relationship would have most likely just interferred with her development and got in the way of the life she was meant to live.

Again, I thank you for being a bigger man than most. So I have a adopted daughter who is 17 and is dating a 26 year old man with a 2 year old daughter to add to the mix.

She asked her mom to sign emancipation paperwork which she said no , but plans to pick up and move days after turning I have 2 questions.

I believe we are making the right steps, but still how to sleep at night. I always dated men much olden me, beginning with my first 45 y.

BF when I was My husband is 25 years older. I enjoyed older guys as a teen because they are experienced in all aspects, caring, mature, and protective.

I would never let a nasty teenage boy to even touch me. I disagree with some of the points you made in this. I had a boyfriend who was over 18 when I was I was much more mature already and felt equal when talking with him.

He was never ever abusive and was always kind. I made my own decisions and he never told me what to do. Now we are married. There will always be creeps who have fantasies about young girls.

But I have always looked a bit older. And when I was 15, I found it strange dating someone 15, they were all immature and I had nothing in common with them.

Stop making these types of relationships sound like your child is in danger of getting abused or into drugs and alcohol.

My husband never did drugs and never encouraged me to drink at all. Its about who the person is, not how old. The points you made are insulting and strike fear into parents, not all teens are ummature and nieve like you make them out to be.

Did I cut myself when we had problems or go suicidal? I handled it in a mature way. Statistically your relationship is more of the exception than the rule.

That is good for you. Many men who date younger girls only date them for sex and to control them. Not all, but many.

I currently have in therapy a 45 year old corrections officer who is in jail for dating and having sex with a 13 year old girl.

The brain of a teen girl is not even fully developed until the age of I believe it to be true that these types of men feel inferior to women their own age and seek a much younger woman for control.

I suppose the person you responded to sees nothing wrong with a 37 year old married man screwing a 19 year old in her parents home either…vile!

Any thought on that? I am curious where these stats are coming from. I am also wodnering if there is a bias as well.

When a relation is looked down upon you might only see the bad. There are exceptions but this tends to be the case. Some men find milfs hot, but many do not.

I am not sure why it would be seen as normal to be attracted to a woman in her 30s or 40s when historically these are the ages women died at and were usually infertile by.

Also older women become jaded, cynical, only talk about their exs and have very high expectations. It often seems they love what the man has more than the man himself.

You sound ridiculous! I typically see men who have been arrested because they were caught with a minor or the parents called the police or the girl, once the relationship was over, decided to call the police and say she was molested in order to get back at the man.

The young girls I have worked with, usually with the ending of the relationship by the man, are often left feeling used, depressed, manipulated etc.

Many end up with unhealthy self esteem, develop weird complexes or become super promiscuous. Others turn to drugs and alcohol which most often they had been introduced to by the older guy.

Very few of the relationships have actually been violent or abusive physically, but inappropriate and unhealthy altogether.

Why would anyone think this could be healthy? Ill be turning 18 this year and my boyfriend is I plan to moving with him the day I turn 18 and what if my parent try to look at my background on my phone and see what we was talking about when I was under age by her having proof what will the police do once I have turned 18?

Why do people always assume the girl is being exploited by older man? Often it is the other way around. Also just because a much older man has a young girl does not make him a sexual predator or child abuser.

Leave people alone. Girls know what and who they want for whatever reason. It is none of your business. You are the ones who can get in trouble.

Remember that before you get involved in something that will hurt you. Jane Smith makes a good comment and point.

Mostly I think it is jealousy that motivates this. Legal age in my state is That is the law. If they really believed it is a bad thing and have proof the legal age would be 21 or older.

That would be just stupid. A young person can go off to war at 17 and Can vote at The legal drinking age should be 18 also.

Tbh alot of young teens at my school end up dating older guys and they are just 15,16 or 17 the guy would be 19 years or older and to me it really looks stupid and a waste of time when they can become someone important in life but they only care about being love,money and popularity.

Some end up pregnant and with diseases. And they really think they are mature but really lack maturity and cant even pass a simple class because they often skip school just to be with that guy.

But now that i read this i finally get it. Thank you, Billy…I agree. I think there does come a time where a large age difference is not a problem…like maybe a 30 year old and a 50 year old, but NOT a 19 year old and a 37 year old!

These young girls are mentally too immature to know how damaging this type of experience can be…mentally and physically. Very sad. I discovered she was having sex when she had to admit she had unprotected sex with a 22yr and afraid she was pregnant, etc.

She begged me to let her make her own decisions, which I did and I allowed a relationship with a 16 old, but she quickly ignored rules, etc. Then she lied and schemed to meet older guys and using her friends too.

When I put a end to it, she had a mental breakdown and landed on it continued for weeks. She contracted an STD and was sick for weeks…discovered she had sex with another older male 20 so I went to police and had both arrested….

Last night I caught my daughter Skyping with him…. She absolutely does not feel I have a right to tell her who to desire sexually…. How can i get her help?

Thanks for support. I always advocate therapy. You say her father is out of the picture so could this be a case of her looking to replace him in some ways?

Her behavior is very destructive and your time to get her help is short. I was living out in California when the scandal involving the spur posse hit the television airwaves back in the s.

The spur posse was a group of adolescent boys in middle school and high school who used and abused teenage girls for a point system they kept on how many young girls they could bed.

However, ultimately the district attorney dropped the charges against all of them except for one, because the authorities decided that charging a teenage boy under 18 with such a crime for having sex with a girl the same age as him was the uncool thing to do.

The one teenage boy against whom the statutory rape charge continued to stick was a year-old boy who had mistaken a year-old girl for 15 years old when he had sexual relations with her.

I had another question. Adults are suppose to say NO to minors when they see minors behaving incorrectly, especially breaking the law with them.

She gets pissed when I tell her she did nothing wrong and she says I need therapy not her. I have a 17 year old daughter,which will be 18 on the 24th of Jan.

He said, ok. My daughters attitude, and lack of respect that she had once for her father and i have went out the window. I explained to the 22 yr old that my daughter needed time and space before thinking about another relationship and had to focus on her daughter, that she came 1st, my granddaughter that is.

His own parents kicked him out, he has no responsibilities or ever has, he always depends on everyone else taking care of him. That is my concern with him.

Can someone please give me some advice on how to get him out of my daughters head.. My gut is telling me he is only around until he uses my daughter and granddaughter as escape goats or in other words a FREE ride.

What can i do.. So what can i do to save my daughter and granddaughter from this opportunist.???? Can someone help me please!!!! Can he get in trouble or no?

And everything I said in this reply is assuming that your friend and her boyfriend can get out of the country before their local authorities can zero in on them.

Unfortunately, my daughter is now living with this man. He actually told my daughter who he just contacted after 18 years that he thinks it is fine she is living with a man this age because he has always been attracted to younger girls too he is 52 and is on wife number 4 who is 25 years old.

First, I have a problem with a biological parent who has never had any contact with their child, telling them something like this.

Never mind any explanations as to why he was absent from her life for 18 years. My daughter has not spoken to me since Thanksgiving when she moved out.

I did reach out to her but she has decided not to respond. This man she is living with has refused to speak to me at all about the situation which I find extremely disrespectful.

My daughter met him through the fire department. I too was a member of a fire department at her age too and the one cardinal rule I followed and stressed to her as well; you do not date anyone in the fire department it is sort of an unspoken rule.

This man lurked around until she turned 18 and then he made his official move. Smart enough to know that if he has sex with her when she was 17, I could press charges.

I find it very hard as a parent why a grown man who is 12 years younger than me ; why he would try to encourage my daughter to reach out to me and have a relationship with me.

A guy dating a young girl like this, in my opinion makes me wonder if there is something wrong with him that he cannot have an adult relationship with a woman of his own age?

Your daughter is now 18 and legally able to make whatever decisions she wishes, regardless of how you feel about them. You have to learn to just keep your opinions to yourself if you want to reconnect with your daughter.

Reach out to your daughter, invite her and maybe even him to lunch and at lunch, just act normal. Talk about normal things.

Make your daughter and him feel like you are finally accepting their relationship. What you will gain is your relationship with your daughter which is more important than your disapproval of who she dates.

Just learn to be accepting and be there for her or you may find yourself shut out of her life and the life of your future grand kids yeah I know that thought of that with him makes you cringe, sorry.

She moved in with him. His daughter is 7 years older than her and my daughter is 5 years older than her. Sounds like your ex is going through a midlife crisis.

Drop that baggage and move on. He has to know that his marriage has a price tag on it. However, when I heard that something-year-old convicted serial killer, Charles Manson, was marrying a year-old woman in a jailhouse wedding a year ago, even the thought of it creeped me out big time.

Therefore, I could not figure out what Charles Manson could possibly have had to offer a year-old woman. Certainly not a stable future offspring.

When I heard that Charles Manson was not allowed to have conjugal visits with his young wife in prison, I was happy about it inasmuch as nobody like him should be allowed to breed.

Michelle Duggar and Jim Bob Duggar attempted to sell that load of baloney to the public at large; and people actually bought into it until the sex scandal with their son, Joshua Duggar, hit the press and the media.

Nevertheless, I can see you being angry at your ex-fiance, because he wasted your time and he deceived you. My daughter is 16 and a 22 year old sibling of one of her friends is interested in dating her.

I mentioned all the usual concerns: why is he interested? Men his age have more expierence and may want to push your boundaries, ect.

That got me the standard ho hum teenage response. Then, I reminded her that where we live, the age of consent is I told her that if they dated, he would go to prison and have to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life.

That got her attention. Beautiful young women striving for relationships with men considerably older than them. The response to the news that these films are being made is one of disgust.

They do desire them. When we ignore the problem, we allow it to flourish. I attended an all girl Catholic boarding school where there was, as you can imagine, sweet FA in terms of male attention to be had.

I had always assumed that man-drought was the reason that most of us developed a passionate crush on a teacher at some point in our school career.

Dating a teenager is a particularly intoxicating opportunity for men who struggle with women their own age. A younger woman will look up to you.

Even a small age gap — mid teens to early twenties, still carries this kind of imbalance. The vast majority of men would never want to accidentally take advantage of a younger woman.

I draw a line in my head between the older men I fancied at a teenager who resolutely refused to engage with it, and those who indulged it or even courted it.

There were teachers who let me embarrass myself with clumsy childish flirting but never encouraged me for a second. I feel intensely grateful to them now.

I would have done literally anything that they wanted. A boss who groped me whenever he could.

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I've been searching for a long time, was on many different sites but AgeMatch was the place that brought us together. Thanks for this wonderful site.

All rights reserved. AgeMatch does not conduct background checks on the members of this website. Seeking: Women Men.

Kitts and Nevis St. Lucia St. Virgin Islands U. Every state allows youths under 18 to marry in certain circumstances, such as with parental consent or judicial approval.

More than , children, of numerous religions, were married in the first decade of this century in the United States, including girls as young as At least 31 percent of those children married a spouse who was older than 21 years old, according to a Washington Post article from February.

In the s, when Moore was in his 30s and reportedly dating teenagers, the laws on child marriage were changing, Syrett said.

That's when all states changed their laws so the minimum marital ages were the same for men and women. Previously, women were allowed to marry younger than men; in some states, men as old as 21 needed parental permission to marry.

Girls were destined for marriage, and doing it at a young age was appropriate. A parent was interested in having her marry and move on.

Even as farm economics became less relevant to most families, Syrett said, the conservative religious emphasis on preventing girls from engaging in sexual activity outside marriage caused the cultural preference for girls' marrying at a young age to continue.

Brad Wilcox, a sociologist at the University of Virginia who studies marriage and families in the United States, said that while people tended to date and marry younger in the s and s, when Moore allegedly was dating teenagers, an age gap such as that between Moore and the girls would still have been highly unusual.

But we're talking here about. It may have happened in some occasional context, but it would not have been a cultural norm.

He said the reaction of most Southern evangelical communities would be "extraordinarily negative. I would imagine a shotgun involved. Randy Brinson, an influential evangelical pastor who ran against Moore in his primary race in this election, said that the evangelical Christians he knows in Alabama would generally not approve of such a relationship.

There are very conservative communities where some of that is condoned, where you have these teen brides and all that sort of thing.

But for the vast majority of evangelicals, that's not accepted behavior," he said. He said he's not sure what to make of the report about Moore, and he's not sure whether he'll vote for him.

Due to their extensive interactions with the opposite gender, grown-up males learn that appreciating women is the quickest gateway into their hearts.

Unlike young mates who may not appreciate her not-so-cute looks, older partners will praise her appearance all the same.

Therefore, your daughter of 16 years may be involved with a far older man due to the basic reason that she sees him as a perfect replica of paternal love and attention.

This is especially true in father-orphaned girls or those living away from their biological fathers. Again, the girl may come from a family with many younger siblings, which gradually reduces the close girl-father attention and adoration.

Similarly, grown-up males are imposingly more self-assured perhaps due to the understandable fact that they have already discovered who they are, or possibly as a result of professional and financial self-actualization.

Contrary to the self-respecting ebullience that adults portray, many young boys doubt their self-worth, which directly puts them an awkward position in the eyes of girls of their age.

Even behavioral scientists can attest to the cardinal principle that women are automatically attracted to power, perhaps more than anything else.

Therefore, it is quite vital to conduct some background check to ascertain whether the man your daughter is in love with wields some measure of power or influence of some sort.

As a result, it behooves you to prudently handle this extremely delicate state of affairs so as it protect your child without causing further harm.

Nonetheless, these likely downsides should not deceive you into acting tactless or ruthless as this may put a lasting wedge between the two of you.

Freaking out may lead to senseless actions that may drive her further into the opportunistic strangers arms.

Before you take the proverbial bull by the horns, it is exceedingly wise to investigate fully to determine how long she has been seeing the man in question.

As such, you should cash in on the obvious daughter-parent trust and honestly counsel your teenage girl on the consequences of making this somewhat unfavorable choice at such a tender age.

Relying on your personal ingenuity, and privately, undertake a clandestine investigation to establish whether your child has been abused in any way.

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